march 20, 2003 - 07:36 - carousel phenomenon, a new spin
in re-reading my last post, it's clear that i shouldn't try to explain
things dear to my heart with words frantically composed via ti on airplanes.
i'd like to offer another explaination for sensation i attempted to
describe earlier, perhaps one a little clearer to understand: the
'carousel phenomena' is a term i coined long ago, which refers to the
study of personal velocity, via the theory of relativity.
imagine yourself, hovering in a M*A*S*H-style helicopter, (think big glass
bubble), looking up at the whirling blade above you; it's going fast, yah?
almost incomprehensibly fast, pivoting around your
stationary self.
reciprocally, imagine yourself sitting directly on the blade, up there,
spinning as it spins. once truly comfortable in this position, it
will appear as if you are stationary, and the helicopter itself (along
with the world) is spinning furiously below you.
thusfar, this is simply a question of reference planes, and is easily
explainable with fundamental physics. here is the twist:
with this term, i speak specifically of emotional inertia, that of
your insides resisting the change physically imposed upon them by
the reference plane; even if it appears that reference plane is not
moving.
the carousel phenomena is the instant that you move from the
cockpit to the blade, (from the playground line to the carousel, or
from the carousel back to the playground). -even though it appears
as if you are stationary, your new state has velocity with vectors
that differ from your prior.
fill a glass with water.. spin it first, clockwise, and watch
as the contents begin to spin with it; once you have good momentum,
change the direction of your glass rotation, and watch the water
fight itself, fight it's inertia, and eventually resign.
this is the "hiccup" you feel when the elevator falls from below
you. this is the water, tripping over itself, bending to physics.
this is lying motionless in the sand, staring at the sky, and
feeling your mind spin inside.
this is the carousel phenomena.
march 18, 2003 - 05:15 - ethics and compliance (of velocity)
selecting the last option from the bench of chairs near terminal c-13, i
recline in the corner against the smooth black of faux-leather. before
me, next month's printing of Wired, though only recently acquired, has
already been stripped of it's useful information.
buyers remorse is inherent in the absoption of intellectual property from
periodicals; page after page reduced to a collection of fiber and ink,
once consumed, it will do little more than weigh down my bag, clutter my
office, burden my life.
realization, then guilt: my wanton consumerism feeds innocuous motive for
environmental terrorism; yet, like a castaway tire that finds new purpose
when suspended from limb...
reinvention: i hide behind bright copy and watch bold typefaces
that run to the margin, then fall off, into a world passing by on silent
moving sidewalks; thoughts lost forever in textile blurs of cottons and
synthetics, oblivious (or indifferent) to my concealed gaze.
(like buildings extracted from a familiar skyline, these elements
are pedestrian when considered as individual components, beauty arises
only with the chaos of composition. )
when i was younger, my favorite playground experience (aside from the brief
moments of flight obtained whilst hurtling from swung too-high swingsets)
was the perception altering device commonly referred to as the merry-go-round.
standing in line, i could practically hypnotize myself, as the carousel
would spin hard and fast before me, adorned with young squishy organics*
that scampered across it's surface, failing attempts to overcome
the laws of physics. queued thus, we bear witness to velocity.
then, when my turn would finally arrive, i'd step forward from my daydream,
and brace into one of the handrails, as close to the center as possible.
i remember enjoying the gruff touch of steel, still warm with the
memory of prior riders, impressed on skin with it's unmistakeable hot-cold
apathy. i remember...
(creeeaaak...) a dozen keds overcome the cohesion of static
friction, the perimeter pushes forward, and the experience begins.
this moment's motion as reciprocal to last moment's queue, the sound of our
screams is pushed to the outside, leaving us quiet and suspended in the
origin. we all watch the faces of others, slow-motion-distorted
with glee, framing eyes that reflect a world that spins round us.
motionless, yet we are velocity.
faster, faster, faster still.
we are a family, and they are outsiders. we are free, and
they are bound. we are falling off, and lying in the sand,
and tasting the grit, and staring at the sky, and feeling the spin continue
on the inside, like a resonant echo. and they are not.
i think of this study of velocity have's and have-not's as my own model of
relativity; long ago labeled by internal dialog as the 'carousel phenomenon.'
i think of this now, behind my magazine, on the faux leather chair, in the
corner by gate c-13. i think of this, as i'm just moments from
queuing for the gate, from stepping onto the ride, from watchng the world
speed up around me and while my own slows down.
*young squishy organics = noise making, filthy, disease infested, kids. -you know, like i used to be?
march 7, 2003 - 07:10 - the mean reds
ta-tap-ap, tap, tap, (blink) tap, tap, ta-tap, tap...
(blink)
it's 05:17, and i'm staring at the ceiling, listening to the relenentless
tangibility of gray in the pacific northwest; precipitation
taps at my window, taps on the roof of my hopelessly rusting car, taps on
the very nerve of my well-being.
the corrosion of iron, (the primary component of automotive sheet metal),
is a complex electrochemical reaction in which the iron combines with
both oxygen and water to form iron oxides such as ferric oxide Fe203
(that nasty brown or red rust), and magnetite Fe3O4 (black rust),
among others. this reaction occurs when there is a difference
in the electromotive potential of impure metals in the presence of a
conductor.
tap, ta-tap, tap, says the conductor, tap, tap..
it's 05:18, and i'm staring at the ceiling, thinking about what it means
to be awake at 05:18. it's about 20 minutes earlier than when i
woke up yesterday, and roughly 37 minutes earlier than my median average
for 2003.
the overall reaction for the formation of ferric oxide, is most
forwardly described as: 4Fe + 3O2 -> 2Fe2O3. this is the
process of iron losing electrons (e-), becoming oxidized.
observation: insomnia is getting worse. i still haven't
defined the function for my own sleeplessness; i'm losing charge,
deprecating momentum, becoming something less than my original self.
it's 05:19, and i'm staring at the ceiling, staring at strands of her
blue hair, deep in thought about the series of decisions that has
brought me to this point in my life. the incalculable myriad of
events that places me in this bed, next to this body, under this window,
listening to this rain, at this ungodly hour.
it's 05:19, and i still can't sleep, so i get up and take a shower.
( more )
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