september 27, 2001 - 10:04
(dragonspeak)
today's fresh fruit juice selection was an odwalla super protein 2001;
honestly, it is one of the most terrible tasting beverages i have ever had the
displeasure of experiencing...
(considering that i have invested an irrecoverable fortune in odwalla
beverages over the years, i consider myself somewhat of an authority on
the subject)
imagine, if you will, a citrus flavoured chalk drink. blech...
we should send these as as aid to countries we don't really like but feel
like we need to support anyway.
september 27, 2001 - 6:46
it is far too early a time to be at work. (period)
september 24, 2001 - 19:22
so, that time of year has come again :: i find myself looking at the
list of domains that i currently 'lease' from internic, and wondering if
i'll ever do anything with them.
amazing how big plans can fade when they idle with time, or lack therof...
anyway, i also happen to own
imagetheory.com, and have long wanted to do something terribly obscure
with it; something with a lot of eye candy and very little explanation.
- is an image really worth a 1000 words?
- could a word be worth a 1000 images?
for over a year, this project has been written off due to the time
constraints required for that level of research. this evening, the
internet princes, (she), has shared with me a tool that just might make this
dream a possibility. the question is whether or not i can stay
on top of it.
i guess we shall see.
september 22, 2001 - 12:27
i must quit my job. i must be a pilot. i must know this
freedom for myself.
"thirty-four tango romeo, we have radar contact.
turn right, heading two-six-zero, maintain 3000ft."
there is so much i would like to say about this experience; i'm afraid
words would trivialize the emotion. all previous priorities must
now be questioned; to touch the heavens this way? so personal.
i am /addicted/.
i guess i never had a chance, really...
september 21, 2001 - 15:55
<rant>
okay, i need to write something now. i keep hearing about new
"possible, but unconfirmed" terrorist threats; how everyone should be
careful, stock up, and avoid public places. please!
always be careful, but don't live in fear and shadows. that is
exactly how terrorism works... they strike once, and only need
to 'threaten' again, and people will live in fear for decades.
the unfortunate events at the WTC were random acts of violence; (although
IMO, carefully constructed in and of themselves, and rather probable in the
global arena we must live in, but i digress.. )
what are they to us? at home, on the sofa, we watch impossible
images on CNN; to us, it is completely uncomprehensible, completely out of
the blue.
do you think it would've happened if people were 'murmuring' about it online
or in the news beforehand? certainly not.
please live your life.. do what you must, don't be afraid
of 'what if.'
personally, *if* something terrible were to happen to me, i would want it to
be while i was doing something amazing; something i had dreamt of, was
possibly afraid of, something that reminded me of how good it was to be
ALIVE.
i think of my friends in the wtc... how only a few weeks ago, i sat with
them during lunch, dinner... just talking; about who they wanted to be,
what they wanted to do. nobody said anything about sitting in the wtc,
about a safe life or a safe job or .... it was painting, touring
austrailia, or ... ( you get the point )
today, some of those very same friends will now never get that chance.
... and that tears me up on the inside.
if people are afraid to leave their houses because of this terrible
tragedy, then they will not get the chance to decide either.
just as if they had been a victim themselves...
( trapped. )
breathe. live. explore.
( do it for those who cannot. do it for you )
</rant>
afterthought... i'd really like to go back through this, and
clean up grammar, and/or present certain thoughts better; i would, but i
fret i might just delete the entire thing for fear of misinterpretation.
take it as you must, i'm off to the airport.
september 21, 2001 - 13:49
(dragonspeak)
fwooooooooosh....
so, one of my old friends is in town for the weekend, and he calls me up
with a rather random proposition: would i like to join him and a few friends
in comandeering a small aircraft to fly up to napa for a simple dinner,
followed by lazy circles traced in the heavens above the SF skyline.
um... let me think about that. i did have plans to see this show,
and, ...
...um, okay! why not?
i'll be wearing my orange scarf...
september 19, 2001 - 18:32
(dragonspeak)
a friend just send this to me:
i remember when i moved down to LA a long time ago, you told me that it's
better to leave than to be left. i didn't understand that at the time as much
as i do now.
at the time, i was speaking about how sad i was that she had moved
out of town (and to LA). although i care little for who she speaks of,
her words sadden me deeply; i know he meant a lot to her. i could
never have imagined that she would redeliver them to me in this fashion..
good luck bl, i know it's tough; these trials of the heart. eventually,
it'll work out... (and if not, it's great fodder for inspiration)
(on the other hand, let us not be 'left,' let us go somewhere new and
make the movies we always talk about.)
september 19, 2001 - 16:04
i'm a knife... knifing around.
:!perl -e 'for ( 1 .. 50 ) { print "cut "; }'
cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut
..........
you really must see episode 79 of spaceghost. (as always, the daring internet duo she and rm continue to be a source of cultural enlightenment. )
september 19, 2001 - 13:42
(dragonspeak)
this afternoon, during lunch, i was sitting at the picnic tables outside
a local supermarket. as my lunch guest stepped inside, looking
for some manner of refreshment, i could not help but become fixated on an
older man who was standing at the corner of the building.
he had that perfect kept-unkempt look that comes with old age... like
someone who has tried so hard to maintain their appearance, but is physically
unable to complete the task. a pale blue shirt, while nicely tucked
into his trousers in the front, hung absentmindedly behind him. deep
stripes of white hair, saturated with gel (brylcreem?), raced from his
forehead towards the unruly mass at the back of his head.
a coat, draped about his shoulders: it hangs on him, more so than
he is really wearing it. his collar is up, with left lapel;
the other is folded down, and is pressed against the thin blue fabric on his
chest.
this man stands at right angles; bent over violently at the waist. at
first i thought he was looking for something... perhaps a contact lens? no, he wears thick glasses. probably just something small
that has slipped through his fingers?
he walks forward, left, right, left; hesitating at each iteration, as if
carefully contemplating each position before moving his foot. his
head continues to pan the sidewalk in front of him, in time with his
movements; i am begining to suspect that he isn't really looking for
anything after all.
for five minutes this continues. every minute or so, he stops forward
motion, his shoulders relax, and he seems to take a break. ...just as
suddenly, he becomes un-paused, and the process has resumes again.
as he is just about to pass me, i cannot help but to wonder what it would
be like to be forced to move about in this fashion. surrounded by
masses of hurried feet, squealing tires; to see nothing but the dirty walk
before you. surely the world might seem like a very cruel and
inhospitable place...
just then, a checker from the market walks up to him,
"sir, do you have a moment?"
he pauses again, this time reaching out for my umbrella, an effort
to support his weight. "eh? have we met?"
politely, she responds, "yes, sir, last week..."
"excuse me, we met where?"
half shuffling due to the awkwardness of the conversation, "...last week, here..."
"who are..." he uses his free hand to
push his glasses back up his nose.
placing both feet firmly on the ground, she shifts her wait to a neutral
position, as if gathering a second wind. "i
am a checker here, you were in the store last week..."
as if slowly uncurling, he is growing taller.
"where?"
"here, at the store. you stopped by last week,
and while you were here you dropped a $20. if you have a moment, i'd
like to give it back to you."
..........
taken aback by the unfamiliarity of the movement, i was pleased to feel a
smile stretch across my face. these days it's nice to know that there
is still something good to smile about.
on the way home, i stopped by the cookie outlet. i didn't even mind
when i discovered that the time-honored previous arrangement (8/$1) has
been reduced to (6/$1); it's still a damn fine day for cookies.
yum. i want to mail them to my friends.
september 18, 2001 - 22:05
9:32 :: realizing that he's been at work far too long, he closes active
editing sessions, picks up phone. first "9", then seven digits. a
barely decipherable response... he speaks, "i'd like to
make an order to go, please."
9:47 :: stops by local chinese restaurant; proprietor greets him by name,
closes transaction initiated upon conclusion of call. $6.05, plus $1
for tip.
9:51 :: fog lamps illuminate treetops at far corner of lot, projected by
orange car idling on driveway ramp. after pausing to fish for keys, he
removes four items from mailbox :
- bulk mail :: newspaper coupons
- hand crafted envelope, from jf
- AAA credit card invitation
- larger envelope, possible CD's, also from jf
10:01 :: familiar mug of war wonton soup, headphones on ears, he sits in an
empty apartment and sways to new music. the same handwritten notes,
the same post-it squares... trials of the day seem to melt away.
10:05 :: logs in to write "thank you" email
10:11 :: continues music, soup, draws a bath... reaching for iconic
pink bottle of mr. bubble.
september 14, 2001 - 11:59
(dragonspeak)
a few more really interesting articles that i have stumbled upon this
morning:
others that are mildly interesting:
still not getting any work done...
september 14, 2001 - 11:01
(dragonspeak)
i woke up this morning, with a song in my head... at the
time, it was just a tune... but with the ensuing clarity that comes
with falling water on the body, (morning shower), casual humming
quickly escalated through whistling, to full-blown song...
interestingly enough, it's oddly appropriate:
Stay for just a while
Stay and let me look at you
Its been so long I hardly knew you
Standing in the door
Stay with me a while
I only want to sing for you
We've traveled halfway round the world
To find ourselves again
September Morn
We danced until the night became a brand new day
Two lovers playing scenes from some, romantic play
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
Look at what you've done
Why you've become a grown-up girl
I still can hear you crying, in a corner of your room
Look how far we've come
So far from where we used to be
But not so far, that we've forgotten
How it was before
September Morn
We danced until the night became a brand new day
Two lovers playing scenes from some, romantic play
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
Did i do
Me and you
I can still remember it all
September Morn
We danced until the night became a brand new day
Two lovers playing scenes from some, romantic play
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
September Morn
We danced that night away
Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
September Mornings still can make me feel that way
"September Morn", by Neil Diamond
..........
i remember, when i was younger, i would dance in the living room,
wearing nothing but my underwear and these monstrous studio
headphones. a slender white cord, as if complimenting superheroes
on my backside, would connect my impossible head gear to a monolithic
teac reel-to-reel player...
for hours, i would stand there, swinging by myself; yet to this day,
i can only recall two songs... "september morn," by neil diamond,
and "hazy shade of winter" by simon and garfunkle.
surely through the course of that era, the hours i spent, swaying
to myself, i would have found occasion to work my way through my
dad's entire music collection? (with his help of course...
although i like to consider myself an early-learner, i don't
think i had the dexterity to thread tape at that point)
why then, out of all that raw material, do i remember only these
two songs?
maybe they're just that good.
september 13, 2001 - 10:47
(dragonspeak)
this morning, i find myself smiling at the simple unabashed pleasure
of sliding into an old, broken-in (worn out?) pair of jeans found on
the floor near my closet. standing then, i reach my arm deep
into the closet, and am pleased when it returns with an old, fading
plaid shirt that hasn't seen use in months.
i wear my grey pumas, the ones with holes in both toes. they are a
ridiculous selection for work, but unquestionably the most comfortable.
this outfit, several years prior, might have been pretty sharp; a bold print,
deep contrasts, sharp lines... today, the edges are fuzzy with use, and
colors are detuned with abuse.
stepping outside, i am pleased to see an extraordinarily thick marine
layer blankets my coastal town; it is high today, and the easy grey
light suggests that it might not succumb to the typical midday burnoff.
perhaps the coast feels like i do today? like it just wants to take it
easy, step back from things and analyze what is really important?
maybe some of your friends are on this list?
wtc.ny.com.
i'm still looking for some of mine....
september 12, 2001 - 17:16
 |
somewhat heartening news: more friends have checked in, now 3/4
of the lot are accounted for...
...although, i still haven't heard from 2 of my friends that actually
worked at the wtc. with each hour, their silence grows
stronger.
unshaven, unkempt, i don't even attempt to feign work; today is
even more unproductive than yesterday.
msnbc,
skynews,
cnn... this
afternoon, all have postponed live webcasts of information;
shaking like a junkie, i reel in this strange new silence.
|
september 11, 2001 - 17:37
(dragonspeak)
an interesting article : the new theater of war
september 11, 2001 - 16:27
(dragonspeak)
manager walks by my cube...
boss: "just wanted to let you know that it's all over now."
me: (incredulous look)
boss: "the radio stations have stopped carrying news, gone back to their music programs."
me: (points to window, containing streaming newscast... pixelated images there: walking wounded picking their way through an ashstorm; it almost looks peaceful, quiet).
"i think there's a lot of people in new york that would disagree with you."
..........
at this point, i have heard from 3 of 8 friends, regrettably a figure that
contains none of the ones that actually worked @ wtc: i still haven't gotten
a damn thing done today.
september 11, 2001 - 14:28
(dragonspeak)
excerpt from
msnbc :
Although the city itself is in shock, it hasn't really reached uptown Manhattan
yet. On the Upper West Side, where you could see police helicopters standing
in the sky like sentinels along the Hudson River, it is all eerily calm.
There are people eating in the restaurants, said Andras Szanto, a staff member
at Columbia University. It is a glorious sunny after a rainstorm of biblical
proportions last and this perfect fall day makes it even more surreal.
damn crazy new yorkers.. i'm 3000 miles away and i haven't gotten a
damn thing done today.
my desktop: two windows streaming news broadcasts, a couple open IM's from
friends, and a random terminal window displaying output generated
by a spurious build of SSL libraries... carrying the illusion of work.
september 11, 2001 - 10:56
|
today is not such a good day to be jetset.
just a few weeks ago, i was standing in that very plaza, waiting
for a friend to come down and join me for lunch.
i hope my friends call soon...
|
|
september 10, 2001 - 20:18
(dragonspeak)
8:18pm on a monday evening, still at work; miserable wrists...
i can't help but to ask myself, 'why do i do what i do?'
september 7, 2001 space-space 14:01
(dragonspeak)
have recognized new nickname circulating among cuban neighbors for self:
insect boy. admittedly, i'm not terribly fond of this new handle
but can definitely understand its origin...
previously, i wore a headset for spyphone: it was a monaural unit, a speaker to
cover one year and a boom mic that hung down in front of my mouth. you
know, like that the cheesy-bangs girl from the '80s that haunts the cover
of microwarehouse
catalogs to this day?
anyway, that was well enough for the time being; these days, i wear a second
headset, this time for voice recognition input into the computer.
as they're both monaural units, i have configured one to hang down the right
side and the other, down the left. were it not for the boom microphones,
it might almost appear as if I was wearing a traditional set of headphones.
instead, from each year piece protrudes a four inch plastic bloom
which cursed delicately down towards the corners of my mouth.
indices two opposing pieces of plastic, functionally curved before my face
that must give the unsuspecting bystander the impression of feeders or
antennae that are admittedly insect-like.
*sigh*
i guess i would make fun of me to.
september 7, 2001 - 9:57
(dragonspeak)
the fog this morning, it has a weight and consistency that i have not seen all
summer; almost as if it rolls off the hood of my car with mass and volume.
infinitely enjoying creating a wake in still morning air, i couldn't
help but to shoot past work and on up the 9, through the silhouettes of
towering redwoods, deeper into the gray...
september 6, 2001 - 19:28
(dragonspeak)
strange night tonight... i have barely spoken to jp since we found
occasion to meet in ny; although endlessly amazed at how her life has turned
upside down in the interim, i just haven't had the opportunity to properly
re-sync...
this evening, i managed to time my call as she was sitting on the plane,
literally pushing back from the gate. (swissair. i have never
flown swissair before... i asked her to nick an 'emergency' card for
me as she exited) now she is off, on a tour across europe:
tomorrow, paris, next week... ?
in the three months that will transpire before her expected return, i
can only imagine that time will brush over the indentations in the sand
behind us... in essence, swallowing both her and i into the
other's respective 'history.'
honestly, right now, i can't imagine us keeping in touch long term...
i cautiously consider this relationship as one of those super-duper-really-intense
friendships that come out of nowhere, and dissipate silently into nowhere,
only shortly thereafter.... not unlike a magicians flash flame.
not that it didn't leave an impression; not that i won't think about casual
comments made in random storefronts whilst sweltering from oppresive street-heat in the village... memories such as these will be carried forever.
(in fact, probably long after names and dates have faded into the ether...)
wierd.
thanks jp, it was nice meeting you. be careful out there...
september 6, 2001 - 17:53
(dragonspeak)
crazy night. crazy morning. crazy day....
yesterday evening, I attended my very first acupuncture appointment in
another desperate attempt to find some manner of pain deterrence and/or
recovery from rooster disease.
admittedly, I harbored a bit of skepticism regarding the procedure,
but have long figured that there must be something to eastern medicine,
or there's no way it would have lasted for so long. (that, and the facts
that I will try just about anything... once).
so, there I was, sitting in a relatively plebeian office, on a makeshift
table that looked as if it might barely hope my weight, as a strangely
shaped woman fluttered about my lakes, pierced my flesh...
she claimed that they were disposable needles, although, I must admit,
statements like these would be difficult if not impossible to verify.
I'm always amazed when I let my imagination run wild regarding
the potential havoc a disgruntled health care worker could unleash
on an unsuspecting populace.
cattle concerns such as these melted away with time, with a prick
above my right here.
I woke up, just under an hour later, staring at my own feet. FEET!?!
what are they doing here? typically, these are not
allowed in public, as I loathe all "feet," including my own.
hideous things, feet are...
(a long story in and of itself, that nobody ever understands anyway; I
will attempt to refrain from this digression)
anyway, there i was. dozens of little silver rods, embedded within
medleys, my arms, my torso... my ear? it was over as soon as it began,
and I was off-again, striking out into the night; only scatter-brained
and loopy.
i had to back out of karaoke plans... not quite 'on edge' enough for
public interaction. instead, I turn for home; a simple dinner
consisting of last night's pasta leftovers, and i'm in bed by 10 pm.
..........
this morning, it was different. much of the dull tingling
sensation that I have grown so accustomed to in the a.m. was startlingly
absent. i sat up, almost bolt-upright in bed... i had slept deeper
and longer than i have in quite some time.
today has proven to be much more productive than any earlier in the week;
no midday cravings for caffine, and I have been only remotely distracted
by the bowl of gummy bears we keep in the hallway.
not sure what all is going on, but i have promised self that I'm going to
continue investigating this 'chi' thing. oh yes...
september before, 2001 - 18:05 (dragonspeak)
boy, giddy with excitement, finally discovers the itinerary for this weekend's
upcoming 2002 rally in the Santa Cruz Mountains. imagine, a caravan of
bay area 2002 enthusiasts parading within a block of my front door...
I guess I know where I will be this weekend... driving
september 4, 2001 - 16:14 (dragonspeak)
it should be noted that the previous illusion works only as long as the user refrains from singing along to the currently playing song; else there's a whole new world of interesting gibberish to go into your documents...
consider this small example from an erd i'm working on:
MIB is an acronym for Managed me baby Information Base; this name is given to structures used to define the framework of information to be shared via the SNMP protocol. Don't you want me baby, don't you want me oh ho-ho-ho once agreed upon and published, the attributes and organization of this structure cannot be easily changed as a waitress in a coctail bar, that much is true...
september 4, 2001 - 14:45 (dragonspeak)
big breakthrough today: after a distressingly silent two weeks of work, I have
finally solve the problem of being able to listen to music whilst simultaneously easing Dragon for voice recognition...
having to discontinue the use of external speakers completely, as well as any additional headsets run my neck, I have found that can actually channel goodies such as (pocketradio) into the VR headset speaker while simultaneously using the microphone for recognition. niiiice!
now, this is my kind of multi-tasking. evolve or expire...
september 4, 2001 - 13:43 (dragonspeak)
today, for lunch, had a fantastic solid, some pasta, and a lovely half-hour nap.
what a remarkably refreshing experience; some cultures really have down with his late afternoon siesta tradition. perhaps it will make this a tradition of my own?
september 4, 2001 - 11:47
some people say that an image is worth a thousand words. i contend that
sometimes, sometimes it can be worth exponentially more; here,
sam brown sums up my feelings on '2001' as of today.
|
